


My Only Sunshine

by JennisWorld



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Dead People, Feels, First Love, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Other, Pain, Short One Shot, Suicide, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29292213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JennisWorld/pseuds/JennisWorld
Summary: It's been a long day of work and you decide to sit down with a cup of tea.But you're all alone, slowly becoming numb as you remember.Yoosung wouldn't come to comfort you. He would never come, no matter how badly you needed him. He's gone. And you're alone.
Relationships: Kim Yoosung & Main Character, Kim Yoosung & Reader, Kim Yoosung/Main Character, Kim Yoosung/Reader
Kudos: 7





	My Only Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Fanfiction posted on Ao3! I have a Wattpad with lost of long stories, but I don't have a place for short Fanfictions. So I decided to use this plattform. We'll see if this is a good alternative^^

The sound of electricity rumbled through the walls, filling the silence inside your apartment. It's been a long day, hours of work falling upon you as you try to finish everything in time. Sometimes you wonder how you're not insane yet, by all the time you ruffle your hair out of pure stress. But surprisingly, it's manageable to get your job done while answering emails for the next upcoming party. The first had been such an success, mostly thanks to the others by gathering many different people, and your skill at convincing them to play a part in it. You leaned back with the cup of tea, the couch making a soft noise after you made yourself comfortable. The rain that begins to hit the window of your apartment broke the electricity sound, swallowing it into silence. You stared out of the window, watching the world slowly becoming blurry be the many raindrops that wet the glass. Your tea calls you, the smell asks you to drink it. And so you do. A sip from your favorite cup, the tea going down your throat and warming up your insides is a feeling you could never have enough from. No matter how many times a day you prepare yourself a cup, it's one of the rare habits that didn't get annoying over time. You wonder if you should put on the light since the sun's gone from the sky now, replaced by thousands, if not millions of stars to which the moon light up the most. But you decide against it, the buildings and lanterns outside are enough to make out the shapes of your surroundings. Enough to watch the raindrops running down, like it's a race who's hitting the end first. Your hands warm up as they're holding the cup, the warmth from your heater's doing the most to keep the could out of the living room. You listen to the rain, hearing thunder somewhere in the distance and closed eyes to detect the location of it. Somewhere south. Even though you tired to open the eyes again, your eyelids decided against your command. Leaving you with the other senses.

(N), my precious girl..

A sigh left you without noticing, scaring yourself. Your body twitched to react, but not your eyes as they kept you from looking outside. A shudder ran over your arms, giving you goosebumps as the next lighting struck. Near by this time. You sip from your cup once more, somehow the liquid's bitter now. And even though you should question that change of taste, all you did was concentrating on your breath. You didn't want to think, none of the thoughts would be worth interrupting the atmosphere. But what you want isn't always what you get.

I'm ready to do whatever for you! I'll protect you.

You could feel your soul going through your body, acknowledging your toes. The feeling went further, reaching your shoulders until it's present inside your fingertips. Often you ignore how many muscles you actually should train to not regret it when you're older. The thought let you smile, this time did the sigh not scare you.

Your voice... It's so cute. Let's meet in our dreams tonight, okay?

Finally, you managed to open your eyes, aware of the rain hitting against the glass and never stopping. You let them wander, look around your room, the plants stood quietly in the corners, giving everything a touch of nature. It's comfortable. The feeling of your soul going through your body slowly got replaced with pain. A special kind of pain, one nobody could ever treat or even understand.

I miss her more than usual today..

Your eyes ended their run at the tea inside your cup, it's almost finished though. As you stare into it, the pain decided to rise into your throat. The unbearable tightness made you almost cough, but only almost. It's as if someone's wrapping a very thin thread around your neck, making sure to let you suffer. But not using enough strength to actually make your body respond by refelx. It's literal torture, but if somebody would ask you, there's nothing other to say than you're fine. Since nobody could help you.

Be.. Be my pre-girlfriend! Does the word pre-girlfriend even exist..?

Lightning hit right outside your window, brightening up the entire room for a short second. Your shadow becoming big enough to reach the wall further away, before melting with the darkness again. The sound of the rain inside your ears began to make you deaf, the noise just as terrible as the feeling on your tongue. You're suffocating, it's making you insane slowly over time. Although not much time has passed since you began to be in constant pain. But pain is pain.

When we meet, I will cook you your favorite meal. I'm very good at making american food, I can do pasta too!

The tea moved as your tear hit the middle, it sloshed the liquid as other tears followed quickly. Your eyes hurt from holding them in for such a long time, they hurt from the burning water that pricked at the corners. They made your cheeks wet, cool the skin as fast as it warmed up. Oh how you'd have liked to empty your mind, to ignore the growing and hurtful reactions your body caused. You missed him. You missed him with every inch of your tired body.

I want to go on a movie theater date with you. It would be my first date, hehe. A man never forgets his first love.

A sob managed to tear your throat, even though it went tighter by the minute. Your hands began to shake every time a new raindrop hit the window, the world outside your window nothing more but a bundle of different lights. A month, if even. It's a month ago since your first party's celebrated. It was a good month ago as you met the blond college student in person. And who would have thought, he's even more beautiful in person. The way he looked at you as he held the speech, his face covered with a bandage, hiding the left eye. The wound he accepted to protect you. Never did you ever felt such overwhelming feelings before. Another lighting hit somewhere in the distance, followed by a loud thunder. Your heart ached badly, trying to jump out of the chest or, maybe, trying to kill you. Yoosung's voice never left your mind, repeating all the sweet things he said over phone the first eleven days. The things he said after you first met, went on a date and even spend the night inside his apartment. Never did you forget any of the words he promised, that seemed to embarrass him sometimes. How bold he could be, straight forward to make you blush. It had been a month. You could count the days in a single minute. The tea now must have tasted salty by all the tears that landed inside the now cold cup. You could remember how he kissed you after leaving the stage on the party, he walked up to you right away. He never kissed before, but he had been so confident about it, you didn't even realize.

Even if I seem a bit scary, I am the man that loves you. That's all that matters, right?

The organization, whoever they were, they never went on cool down. They went out of their way, going too far until you paid the price, just like every other member of the RFA. Yoosung had been on the way to school, you could remember his call. His warm voice greeting you with your favorite nickname, saying he's having a big exam today. How he wanted to get it done and impress you, a smile formed on your lips that morning. Another sob left you, cutting the sound of the rain for a brief moment. Letting you wonder if you might die as well now. The pain's growing with every memory that came up. This grief of losing someone you just learned to love, love like nobody ever before. 

I want to help my girlfriend. I want to do the laundry with her, I want to cook for her and never leave her side.

That day, he never arrived at the school to attempt the exam. They took him with them, trying to blackmail everyone in the RFA. But none of the members managed to get him out of there in time. No, Yoosung tried to break out of their grip. He wanted to get it done himself. But they didn't hesitate as he started to make trouble for them. The memory of Seven standing in front of your workplace felt like poison that rushed through your veins. Everything's so calm inside your room, but there's an even bigger storm taking place in your body than outside. It's killing you, the lost made you feel lonely. But not only lonely, there are many emotions at the moment, describing them would simply take too long. They killed Yoosung. They shoot him. After these world left V's lips at Jumin's apartment, nothing worth remembering happened. More or less just black, only a void after that. They cried like you did, they felt pain like you did, but none of them could have felt this shattered. You loved Yoosung, more than anyone else in the world and before you could even consider a beautiful future with him, they took him away from you.

If I could, I would turn into a puppy and run to you! I'm so mad that's all I can do at the moment. Just wait, I will keep you safe.

Your eyes are glued to the window, but you didn't even perceive the blurry outside world. The memories won over you, tearing your mind apart piece by piece as the pain started to mix up with panic over reality. Yoosung was dead. No matter how many times someone said these words, no matter how many times you repeated inside your head, they never felt real. He was the biggest sunshine you've ever meet. The only person in the world not deserving to suffer, his big heart and smart mind made him a superhuman. He was a superhero. Not only to you, he was to everyone. Even if he never really saw himself that way. You wanted to wipe away the tears from your cheeks, so cold and wet it's uncomfortable. But your body didn't move an inch, not even your hair seemed to fly with the air of the heater. As if everything was frozen, time standing still as the guilt grew on your shoulders. None of the members could understand how you're able to go back to work just a week after his funeral. But they didn't understand that it's the only thing keeping your sanity. Working until having a burnout was the only option if you wanted to stay stable. Maybe you never told them either, might be the reason they couldn't comprehend.

Do you know I'm a blood type A? Do you know how loyal A's are? Ah.. do I even make sense right now..

Finally, your hand lay down on the couch, the tendons cracked since you didn't move for a while. Your mind's nothing but a mess, the empty feeling inside your chest let you get sick to your stomach, you'd liked to throw up until blood followed. The RFA wasn't the RFA without Yoosung. The chatrooms weren't the same without the college student. Your life wasn't the same without your lover. It hurt so bad. You reached underneath the pillow to draw out the gun, it's not even processed in your brain how you managed to get your hands at it. But you had it hidden for a while now. V had been this close to give up the RFA, but by the wish of everyone, except you, he kept it alive. Saying Yoodung wouldn't have wanted everyone to close it down. And you knew that it was the truth, but you couldn't keep on organize a party without Yoosung. You couldn't even properly breathe without him.

I love you (N).

Suffering a panic attack after his death wasn't usual for you, but you're not able to take the pain anymore. The grief of losing him, of not being there when he needed you the most. The rain became less, it didn't hit aggressively against your window anymore, now it's carefully stroking against the glass. The moon freed itself from the clouds that had been around since the sun went down, lit up your apartment with beautiful dark light. But you didn't notice. The tightness of your throat, the sickness inside your stomach, the burning tears, everything drove you to the edge. The thought of him did. You couldn't be without him and unwittingly loaded the gun, it took you a while to bring it to your head though. His laugh, it's cutting through your eardrum. His whining let you shudder. His crying froze your body. But nothing would make you feel more broken than the fact he's gone.

I will never forget you. I want to be with you forever.

Nothing could bring him back to you, nobody could replace Yoosung. He didn't deserve any of this, he had been the best person you've ever met. You sighed once more with a shaky breath. The cold metal against your temple let you fall out of thoughts for a moment. But soon enough, you fell back into thoughts. They are too much, you couldn't take it. You wanted to be with him, see him again and make him blush with teasing. You wanted to hug him when he feels down, being the light in the dark for him. Making him feel like the man he was, spoil him like the puppy he was. The tears filled your cup again. You placed the Index finger on the trigger.

"It's okay Yoosung. I'll be with you again, and we can stay together forever.. Just like we said."

Somewhere in the distance, people were aware of the sound from a shot. And the rain started to crush down onto the earth with strength again. It's for the better, you missed him so much. Now you could be together forever.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry for the feels, I love my boy Yoosung so much. But as I'm currently trying to get his bad endings, I couldn't help but write some angst about my baby. Please forgive me.


End file.
